Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Twisdom 2011

Every once in a while, I tweet something that stands on its own. Sometimes it's poetic, sometimes silly and sometimes just a little observation that has a kernel of wisdom in it. Here are some of those tweets.

I see icy seas, snow knows no end and winter winds win again

I am jut going tiptoe as fast ad I can and see what my iPhone fangs it to.

(: smiley parentheses :)

"sword" is the "s" word

butler, chef, chauffeur, secretary, personal shopper, personal trainer, life coach, counselor, nurse, financial advisor, handyman... aka dad

Quote of the day, so far: "Nope, it's just a crotch."

Yes, I would eat a bug. There is nothing on this Earth more disgusting than a chicken and I eat those all the time.

You learn something new every day. Every damn day.

Robots are always happy.

1/2 of the men I see in the restroom don't wash their hands. I want to run out after them, point and yell so everyone knows they're gross.


Whoever came up with the "tie two loops together" method of tying shoelaces, you're an idiot and you've caused a generation to do it wrong.

Horrible things. Unspeakable things. Things that haunt me, that God will never forgive me for. That's what I would do for a Klondike bar.

My Jedi powers: #1 - I can tell Parliament from Funkadelic.

Weather Channel says 0% chance of rain next Wed. & Thurs. Me: how can they be SO sure?! Wife: they just don't care about being wrong.

Star Wars figures are 1:18 scale (4"=6'). At that scale, a toy 1st Death Star would be 5-1/2 miles in diameter. The 2nd would be 31 miles.

We abandoned... Email: etiquette. Chat: decency. Blog: hope. Texting: grammar. My_: sense. FB: reality. Twitter: detail. G+: fun.

What's the emoticon to indicate that you're asking a rhetorical question?

I'm a "glass is half empty" kinda guy. Mostly because I drank it. I'm about to drink the rest and then fill it back up again.

Once you get tired of lemonade, what are you supposed to do with the rest of the lemons?

I'd rather go to work in the dark than come home in the dark. I'd much rather have the whole day ahead of me than behind me.

Sorry - I tried to change gears there and my chain fell off.

Please for the love of God stop saying ironic when you mean coincidental or serendipitous.

You can't look for beauty, you can only find it.

If you assume you just make an ass out of u. (Leave me out of it!)

How I described infinity to my boys tonight: How high is the ceiling in this room? About 10 ft. OK, now how high is the ceiling in our yard?

My kids won't eat chili, because "it's too spicy!" But they will eat "hamburger soup."

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